Changes...

I've never been one who handles change well...and while I could probably sit and waste an afternoon thinking about why and where this insecurity began, I think I'm just going to chalk it up to the fact that I like things to remain exactly how they are.

This is something that I'm continually working on changing about myself...truthfully it's become a necessity more than a choice...and I feel like I'm getting there-moving in the right direction. Our most recent move was a tough one for me though...and I felt like I almost took 2 steps backwards, and I didn't really know how to dig myself out and start moving in the right direction again. Believe me...I TRIED to make it an easy transition...I immediately joined a mom's group in our new city, I joined the library and started attending programs that are offered there, my family made a trip (which always makes our houses feel like a home), and I unpacked and organized more quickly than has ever happened in the past. Positives, right?!?!? You'd think so. Don't get me wrong...I'm not miserable. I'm slowly meeting new people, keeping involved in some activities, I'm enjoying our new city and every shopping opportunity that has come along with it. But. I miss my friends. I miss Jeannie, Mindy and Jamie...and as little time as we spent together...I miss Brooke. I miss our walks, our playdates, our lunches. I miss knowing what's going on...I miss planning. I miss having families in our life that we can trust, depend on, and feel like can depend on us. Of course we still keep in touch...I've been there, they've been here, we talk via phone and email. But it isn't the same. Mindy's in the middle of moving in to a new home...one I've never been to and can't picture...which means, when she says that Drew is napping in his room, I can no longer picture him snuggled in his cute little room or her relaxing on the recliner in the living room. Jeannie is also moving, and while I've seen their new home, I won't be able to keep up with all of the changes that she'll be making...which will put me in the same boat as with Mindy. Jamie's youngest Gavin has changed by leaps and bounds since we've been gone and I know that he'll never know me....or Hayden...and that just makes me so sad. On the flip side...I'm trying to focus on the fact that I was SO lucky and blessed to have met these wonderful people. I knew our time in Independence was limited, so never in a million years did I think I would meet and attach myself to these people. And as hard as the transition has been...I'm so glad that I opened myself up and allowed myself to indulge in these relationships.

Which brings me to "changes". Because of the relationships that I was able to form in our last city, I have confidence that I'll be able to do the same here. I know that in as soon as a few weeks or months, I will be able to "change" and look back on my time in Kasas with fond memories and as a wonderful growing experience, not to mention a place where I met some lifelong friends...instead of a new hometown that we had to leave. I know I will "change" my way of looking at our new city as well...and eventually THIS will become our home.

We have many changes happening in our lives constantly...some are small, but add up to biggies...and some are just SO HUGE that we haven't grasped them yet...and for now...right this very second, I've decided to implement yet another change...I'm going to rejoice in all of our change and see it for what it is...a challenge, a blessing, a gift.